April 2010


Every Tuesday, my agency publishes a program update. The update lists program news, the number of referrals for the month, how long families are waiting, and a page for cultural movies/books/events that families might be interested in. On Tuesday afternoons, I get an email from my case manager with a link and password and a little note saying that the update will be ready for viewing by 6 pm.

I live for Tuesdays. I check that link every couple of hours every 7 ½ minutes to see if the update’s been posted yet. I can’t explain it – I’m nowhere near the top of the wait list, the update changes little from week to week – and yet I’m on tenterhooks all day until I’ve got that lovely lovely pdf open on my screen. Except for this week, when the update was late.


2:42 pm  Yay, the update email! Let me just click on that li…oh wait, it says it won’t be published until tomorrow. Oh.

2:43 pm  WTF? Why tomorrow? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?

4:01 pm  I bet something happened. Last time the update was late, was it because something happened? Or was it just late? I don’t remember and it doesn’t even matter because this time something happened, something big, I just know it.

4:02 pm  Should I call my case manager? Nah, I’ll just wait until tomorrow.

4:17 pm  Seriously, should I call?

6:10 pm  Maybe I should ask the yahoo group? Or is that too crazy?

6:38 pm  I’m sure nothing happened. It’s just late.  They’re very busy people, after all.

8:30 pm  Maybe there’s an update to the 2 trip rule, and that’s why it’s late? No big deal, right? I like the two trip rule, so it’s nothing to get worked up about. Right?

10:59 pm  What if they postponed the update because ET is closing to singles for realsies and the caseworkers are calling each affected single mom individually before they go public with the information? And since they’re probably calling people alphabetically and my last name starts with an S…WHY DOES MY NAME HAVE TO BE AT THE END OF THE ALPHABET? WHY?


9:15 am  Not gonna think about it.

9:45 am  Not gonna think about it. Not gonna call.

10:45 am  Still not posted.

11:45 am  Still not posted.

12:00 pm  Lunchtime. Thank God.

1:00 pm  Back to back to back meetings. Man, I hope my caseworker leaves a voicemail if she calls with the tragic news while I’m stuck in that conference room with a bunch of engineers all afternoon.

4:40 pm  UPDATE!!!

4:41 pm  Hello? Where’s the big news? It’s just a regular old update. The dial-in for the monthly conference call – that’s nice. A couple of referrals – excellent. But still. I waited all day for THIS? If they’re going to be late and get people all worked up over it, the least they can do is deliver some @#!$ news!

4:42 pm  Ahem. Right. Sorry.

5:00 pm  I need a drink.


Eff you.




Bad blogger…yeah, that’s me. Lots of un-bloggable stuff keeping me busy, and also my brain needed a bit of an adoption break. Of course, adoption has been a tough topic to avoid recently, given the recent news coverage. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, click here, then come back once you’ve caught up.

So, a single mom adopts a 6 year old boy from Russia and 6 months later her mother sticks him on a plane back to Moscow based on the advice of a lawyer she met on the internet. Let’s ponder this, shall we?

First of all, she adopted an older child from Russia, yet was caught off guard by the boy’s emotional problems. I don’t mean to offend anyone but isn’t it fairly well known that kids from Eastern Europe have a higher incidence of emotional disorders due to fetal alcohol exposure and not so great orphanage conditions? I mean, this stuff’s been on the news for years, it’s not exactly a secret. I’m not saying all Russian adoptees have issues; but if you’re adopting from Russia, you have to prepare yourself for the possibility, don’t you? During my ET home study, my sw and I talked a lot about possible cognitive delays due to malnutrition, for example, because that’s what a home study’s for, to prepare you to parent successfully. Not to mention that older children can have tougher transitions – additional educational requirements should have been part of her home study. I don’t know who did her home study, but the placement agency in this case has a great reputation for pre-adopt education and successful placements of older children. I find it hard to believe that this adoptive mom was misled or wasn’t educated; it’s more likely that she chose not to listen.

Furthermore, I don’t understand how a mom can give up so quickly – 6 months – on a kid she pledged to love and protect forever. What kind of damage does that do to a kid when he’s been rejected by his “forever family,” especially a kid who’s already been through more in his short life than anyone deserves to go through in a lifetime? In all the coverage of this story, there’s been lots of talk about how violent the child was, but nothing about whether the mom bothered to get him any help before resorting to dropping him off at the airport. I’m not trying to make light of RAD, or judge families who’ve made the heartbreaking decision to dissolve an adoption after exhausting all other resources. There but for the grace of God go I, after all. I just wonder whether this mother did everything in her power, exhausted every resource, in the short time that Justin was her son. Frankly, given her actions, I doubt it.

Which brings me to my last point. Grandma found the lawyer on the internet. Not only that, but the driver, the stranger to whom she entrusted the child once the plane landed – Grandma found him on the internet, too. OMFG. Seriously, ’nuff said.

My heart goes out to all the families who are now in limbo while Russia ponders the future of adoption to the U.S. I can’t imagine how it must feel to wonder if you’ll ever be able to bring your kids home.

It’s all so very, very sad.

 PS – Congratulations, Amy and Doug!!  Woo-hoo times two!

My nephew Evan got a cell phone for his 13th birthday last weekend and he’s been calling and texting all week…as in, a lot.  I love hearing from him, he’s my buddy, but I have a feeling that his mama won’t be too  happy when she gets the phone bill!

Evan’s the goofball on the left.  The unindicted co-conspirator on the right is Evan’s little brother Jacob.

Since I’m introducing the fam, please allow me to present to you Princess Bella Marie, who is about to throw something at the irritating paparazzi (Auntie Liz) :